So embarrasing I could hide


I had an embarrassing moment last Saturday. I’ve had many over the years and most of them involve fainting. (Don’t laugh I have an over-reactive nervous system – a GP’s even told me that).

I knew my knee was damaged in some way (thanks to my PT for the long jog along the beach) but when I twisted slightly, as I was walking to my local shopping centre, I knew I was in trouble. My knee not only buckled it hurt, like a hammer had just been rammed into the side of it. I tried walking and barely limped to a nearby bench. I sat for a moment flexed my knee and thought, stop being such a wuss. Just get up and walk. So I did – bad mistake.

Getting light-headed isn’t new to me but I was halfway to my car and halfway to the fruit shop inside the centre and I had to figure out where the safest place to go would be. I made a decision to go in. Tough it out, I thought.

As I wobbled through the doors, looking like a drunk in the middle of the day. Everything passed in slow-motion and I felt clammy and all-round icky. I saw someone at the counter of the newsagency and the colourful lotto and scratchy fliers  blurring into a rainbow. I notice the ladies in the fruit shop looking at me strangely, then I saw a bench (bless it).

That dizzy-sick feeling just before passing out was getting to a point where the only thing to do was faint. At first I just sat with my head between my legs but when the buzzing in my head got worse and I felt like throwing up the avocado muffin I had that morning, I reached for my phone and rang my husband.

“I’m about to faint out front of the Pines Newsagency. Can you come and get me?”

Moments later I came through the buzzing, blurry, cartoon-like fog hearing a male voice saying, “She’s stopped shaking. Is she okay?”

A nice Filippino lady’s voice asked kindly. “Are you awake? Can you talk to me?”

Another elderly voice nearby. “Oh, did you see how many people walked by without doing anything.”

“She’s white as a sheet.”

Meanwhile I’m hearing all this but my tongue is still in LaLa land and my eyes shut (though I could still see cartoons – really!) Finally I mumbled, “I’m okay. I just fainted.”

“We’ve rung Centre Management and they’ll call an ambulance.”

“No, don’t need them. My husband’s coming.” Then to my total mortification I started crying. Yep, crying from the embarrassment of the whole situation. So much for toughing it out.

Finally, (actually quite quickly) my husband arrived, thanked everyone and said to them, “She does this a bit.” Frankly, I haven’t fainted in at least a year, but guess as far as fainting goes I’m more regular than most people.

Usually after passing out I just need to stay down, sometimes for hours, until I feel better. But due to being in a busy shopping centre (and being embarrased) I was ready to hightail it out of there asap. My husband propped me up and off we went to the car. I did send him back inside to get the beans and broccoli my health-conscious son had requested (and my reason for walking on a bung leg in the first place).

I’m thankful that during the experience:

  1. I didn’t pee my pants in public.
  2. No one I actually knew saw me pass out.
  3. I found a bench instead of the floor.
  4. There we people who helped me (thank you lovely ladies and gentleman) and ‘up yours’ to those who walked on by.
  5. My son actually got his beans and broccoli.

So what embarrassments have you endured?

Other awful Donna moments include:

  • Forgetting a good friend’s name (call it a nana moment).
  • Getting a short dress caught up my bum at a nightclub showing way too much wobbly arse. (Thanks girls for letting me know.)
  • Calling my dog by my son’s name.
  • Calling my son by my dog’s name.
  • Dressing up immaculately to go to work and having slippers on my feet (I was pregnant at the time).
  • Forgetting to strap my son in his car seat (he was 9 months old) and hearing him thump on the floor as I went around a corner (he wasn’t hurt one bit but I cried my eyes out and rang my husband to say I was the worst mum in the world).
  • Wetting myself from laughing when my husband tried to tell a joke with props (a camp chair), got his foot caught and headed face-first towards a hot barbecue (luckily he missed it).
  • Being caught dancing and singing to awful eighties music by my children.
  • My youngest son telling me how many grey hairs and wrinkles I have.

So let me know yours.

Feel free to comment, thank you.

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