Why are break ups often so mean?

The son of my work friend has been breaking up with his girlfriend on and off over a period of months. They try then they fail, try and fail and try again. This week they’ve failed miserably (or maybe I should say she has). Not only have they broken up for good but now the girlfriend has cleared out their mutual flat and left him with diddly squat.

“Not even a plate to eat dinner on,” he said to his mum.

Why do some women do this? How can they be so mean to someone they have loved?

Come on, it’s not even her property so how does she think she has the right to take it? What does she need  a set of men’s golf clubs for, other than to hock them at Cash Converters and brag about it on Facebook?  That is, in fact, what this stupid young woman is doing – bragging on Facebook.

Honestly, she should be shamed on Facebook (shamed on Twitter, YouTube, billboards – everywhere). Any friends reading her rants should put her in her place. Tell her to give him back his own property, grow up and be civil.

The most ridiculous thing is that she has taken out an AVO on this poor unsuspecting fella. There’s no cause for this other than it allows her to bombard his mother with mean emails, upset his whole family, take his rights away – and get away with it.

The police were called to the empty apartment and told the young man, that it was a civil matter and they could not do anything. Obviously (to all of us) she has stolen his property but the law sees it otherwise.

My main point is – why would she be so mean?

The young man in question is only 22 years old so he hasn’t amassed a great deal of personal possession so to be left with nothing is depressing. It’s even inhumane.

He recently said to his mum, “There’s no point in going on. There’s no point in living.”

I’m a mum and I know those are word you never want to hear from one of your children. To say a cold shiver went up my spine is an understatement, more like an ice pick.

Did this young-miss-mean consider that by hurting her ex-lover she is hurting everyone who cares for him? The mother had also befriended YMM and brought her warmly into her family fold. Nice thanks that is.

Obviously YMM is vengeful (or a plain bitch) but she has no reason to be. This is a nice well-brought-up young man who adored her and he is yet to be mean back. The only thing is done is break up with her (obviously a correct decision it seems). Maybe it’s not in his nature.

He thought that they would divide their mutually accrued possessions in a reasonable manner. He would pack his footy tropies, clothes and the golf clubs and move out amicably. He hoped that one day when they bumped into each other in the street it wouldn’t be awkward it would be like greeting an old friend.

Poor fella, there’s more chance of her greeting him in the street with her car engine revving aiming to hit-and-run. Rage is fuelling her but how did this rage replace what was so recently rose-coloured love?

I guess she’s the only one that knows this. Maybe she’s watched too many adverts where upset women smash brand-new-red sports cars or hurtle their exs possessions out a third-floor window. Possibly she just wasn’t very nice to start with and the young man was yet to take off his own rose-coloured glasses.

Final word – karma.

YMM take note that it will one day bite you on the bum.

I’m so lucky. I love my job.

I guess I’m luck to be working in the publishing industry. I love my job. I know few people can really say that.

Since working at Zeus Publications I have receive the best inside knowledge about the industry and being a writer as well as a marketing publicist – that’s priceless. I wasn’t naive when I came here. I had read plenty of reference books, attended workshops and researched the industry beforehand. I’d also worked in magazine design, marketing and publishing but I just didn’t realise that to market well for authors I had to educate them at the same time.

Zeus may only be a small independent publisher but the industry works much the same throughout. Often I ponder if bigger publishers are inundated with as many bizarre questions as we are. I don’t think they’d be asked if sales could be traced, how the royalties are worked our or why a book isn’t displayed in every bookshop in the country. I doubt if a mass market publisher even takes author calls on such nature as to why the marketing department haven’t got their book listed on every online bookstore on the planet (even when sales overseas aren’t feasible). So why do authors keep asking such questions?

Mostly it’s because they are ill informed. As a result I try to give my authors as much information as possible so they are ready to market their book. Marketing guidelines are sent out with each contract and they are on the website but also there are regular updates on Facebook, Twitter, this blog, in the newsletter and through personal correspondence.

One thing that amazes me most is the lack of knowledge when the book is published. I would have thought researching a market and possible sales would happen before a book is even submitted. Hey, that’s just me.

Researching any market is important no matter what business you are in. The business of writing is no different. Without a good marketing strategy many businesses fail.

As far as mass-market publishers go, I definitely envy their marketing budgets. From what I can gather we all try everything possible to get our books noticed but they can advertise, whereas I have to find free publicity in the media. I’ve got press releases down to a fine art.

Buying shelf space at bookstores is out of the question for us and when I see big displays of books with glossy A3 posters, fold-outs, bookmarks and other marketing paraphernalia I can understand author envy (yes I almost weep). I can totally understand why an author would question why their book doesn’t get the same treatment.

The fact is, there are (well at least I was told this at Answers.com) over 2,000,000,000 books in most bookstores (of course that wouldn’t be the tiny independents). However, you see my point as to how many titles each book is competing against.

Take heart though. If your book is good it will eventually sell by word of mouth, luck or possibly my efforts. You just have to find a way to snare your share of the market. Obviously there is a demand for books. People still love books. I love books. So keep writing just bear in mind that you need to understand the realities of book marketing.

See another post on marketing at: http://bookszeus.wordpress.com/2010/05/07/the-realities-of-marketing-your-book/

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